Earlier this week I had the opportunity to be a guest panelist on Academic Agent’s show Unpopular Opinions. It was rather odd for someone who had originally consumed Sargon’s content in 2015 to now be a member of the panel with King Boomer himself as a fellow panelist. However of the variety of topics that were discussed, it was the other panelists that had really shined, specifically Lambda. During our talk about an hour and a half in, he had admitted to the panel and to the thousands of people watching, that he was a man nearing thirty, and chaste. He had not been with a woman in an intimate fashion, and was expressly saving that moment for his future wife if he were to marry. All of us had commended him for his bravery and willingness to admit that, we had all concluded that the culture many of us had growing up was that of the UK’s New Laddism or for those of us across the pond or younger, American Pie and other raunchy sex comedies. The consistent pressure for the young man to “become a man” and get laid was something that rang out even for someone like me during my time as a teenager in high school. However, I wanted to take the time to offer perspective as someone who “got around” during his younger years with some regrets, as well as write an endorsement of Lambda’s choice.
I want to be clear up front in this little ramble, that this isn’t meant to brag, ‘flex’, or denigrate the ongoing problems in our modern sexual and relationship dysfunctions that a majority of men and women find themselves in right now. Whether it is realization of the consequences of “sex positivity” or the fact on average most men are having the least amount of sex than ever before – one’s mind tends to wander to the causes, the junction point in which we jumped the rails or went on a different track. This isn’t something I normally discuss, both due to its personal nature and the fact that we do have much larger problems to tackle but Mr. Lambda served as the example of bravery to offer these observations and show my own faults and perspective.
While there is often conversation in regards to the opposite sex discussing the implications of getting around, it seems that the sexual attention men are getting is the lack of it. While there is massive documentation readily available that details the issues of men having less sex, women having more, and the body counts for those who are having it is rising. I can already sense that you’re rolling your eyes as you read this, in part because this might be some sort of “trad hand-wringing” or long rant on the “return!” meme. And while Lambda, the devout Christian that he is, is the inspiration for this piece, isn’t like everyone. From there you might say, “Well Prudentialist, it’s not like you haven’t been open about your faith.” and that is certainly a good point to address. Raised Baptist, found agnosticism to be my excusable go-to word for my atheism of my teenaged years, only now in the midst of me confronting my mortality more than once in the last year and some change have I begun to swing back towards Christianity. I attend an Orthodox Church, and it gives me comfort in a world of unknowns. I would further note that my anonymous persona is rather oxymoronic after this section.
The perspective I’m going to share however didn’t come from my return to the faith. Even before the church had I had expressed, both personally and on occasion publicly, about the regrets I have when it comes to sleeping around. I have a ‘body count’ that I’m not happy with. Early on, I tried to keep any sexual relationships within the confines of long-term dating, although I suppose like with anyone going through a breakup the advice of getting out and around to get over them foolishly seems sage regardless of how one identifies. So I did, and abandoned my sense of dating entirely, reneging on the idea that I should date to one day find someone to settle down with, preferably sooner. Perhaps due to the sense of impending doom knowing I’ve had some sort ticking time bomb kidney-wise. So from short flings, to one night stands, the number rose, a number I don’t wish to divulge in its exact nature but it is over 25. Suffice to say, I regret it. Any activity you participate in inevitably becomes routine, devalued as you repeatedly engage in it. I would make some sort of analogy to inflation, but balloon fetishists are not the type of people I wish to bring to this stack. Yet now, in a period of my life where things are bit more slowed down, I’m far more introspective than I need to be. What is the difference between introspective and neurotic? Has to be a fine line to say the least.
Yet the reason I regret it is because I find myself longing for the novelty and intimacy one has a partner with the first time, with someone whom you value in a relationship. You can have the rush with any first time relationship that you’re getting into, but odds are you know what’s happening next, you know what the steps are, and just like someone hooked on painkiller, the high has diminishing returns. Not to mention the actual bodily risk involved, and how your desire for said high inevitably feeds back into risky behaviors. A similar opinion and trend I’ve seen from many who no longer pursue a world of stands, loose relationships or flings, is a spout of regret even if for them it may be more than my own in part due to the age difference from myself and those I observe or communicate with. I know in admitting that I’ve probably angered some people, or perhaps have triggered the immediate response of “you’re probably good looking, poast fizeek.” I’m 5’10” on a good day, incredibly thin, with average looking facial features. I never got into PUA, TRP communities, I just knew how to talk to people thanks to Speech and Debate competitions from high school and college. Despite being somewhat of a silver tongued, honeyed words kind of person, it’s not something you want to pursue, trust me.
Do as I say, not as I do….
Those who advocate for the traditional, abstinence until marriage sexual strategy of being chaste are fighting a losing battle. Pornography and sexual themes are everywhere, and in movies it’s only gone up at an alarming rate. (If that was from 2005, imagine how bad it is now!) Throw in the internet, social media, OnlyFans, it seems as if the people asking for a traditional sense of living or lifestyle are fighting a losing battle. And they are, all things considered. There is honor though to advocate for your beliefs, and even more so to actually adhere to them. I’ve heard the term “Volcel” a lot recently, short for “Voluntarily Celibate” which might be accurate, but when reading such a term I view with scrutiny, as if it is being said as a slur, or telling everyone else that it’s a cope. Cope would be telling yourself that you are enjoying the carefully cherrypicked persona you tell yourself as you leave early in the morning from someone else’s apartment, or look at the dark screen after a night with yourself, an incognito tab, and no inhibitions. However, those who are advocating to go back to something that actually made sense recalls a line from Spengler:
“Our duty is to hold on to the lost position, without hope, without rescue, like that Roman soldier whose bones were found in front of a door in Pompeii, who, during the eruption of Vesuvius, died at his post because they forgot to relieve him.”
There are few people like Lambda willing to speak up for his beliefs and actually adhere to them. While there seems to be, (a good sign mind you) a growing number of dissident thinkers, ‘trads’, post-leftists, post ‘sex positivity’ and so on, who come from a background of living life in a fast and emotionally damaging lane coming back to the first principles you’d find in any perennial traditionalist. I have been told while writing this to cite RooshV but I don’t know really anything about the gentleman to put that in here, so take that with what you know. Yet to those out there who’ve made this change, I would urge those in this camp of odd political and social bedfellows (It can range from a Marxist with American Characteristics to a Reactionary like myself,) to keep going even while your past is oftentimes thrown back at you and your face in a very public fashion. Hell, I know the facts that I’ve mentioned in the section prior here may be used against me. And that’s quite alright, criticism is something I’m used to. Doesn’t mean that the observable nature of human relationships have been warped beyond belief, even by those a generation before me who got a slight glimpse. Despite my more religious and traditionally minded self, my own mother for goodness sake jokingly calls me a whore, although probably with a hint of accuracy considering my parents have known each other since high school and have been with and married to only each other.
This does not mean abandon your cause for social agreeableness. Regardless of faith, the penitent man is rewarded in the end. “Don’t you mean nice guys finish last?” Yes. When the coming reckoning, and trust me, as people like Katherine Dee have pointed out that there will be a need for chastity, but most importantly, someone who can guide them like a normal person, unlike the cult of personality of the sadly oversexualized Abby Shapiro. You’re not going to go back to a time of arranged marriages (Looking at your Mr. Murphy) or homes for unmarried pregnant women, but that doesn’t mean you should not look to your faith, or at least the very well documented examples of what actually worked, while walking towards the future.
So now what?
Relationship dysfunction, the normal social strata, men being left behind in many facets in life, and the absolute crapshoot that is the ‘sexual marketplace’ are all very real. This isn’t to advocate to not play the game, you should be looking for someone who makes you happy, who can build you up and build something together with them. I understand not everyone can, or at least be amenable to the choices individuals like Lambda have made. Doesn’t mean that a step in the right direction can be taken towards going back to the drawing board, recognizing the truths that often are met with rolled eyes or that sense of getting away with something because you’re doing the exact opposite.
Of course the biggest hinderance to this are two key factors: Optics and Self-Reflection.
Optics – because the fact of the matter is that our society is militantly secularist, with a bent in the West that is innately anti-Christian in nature. For now, at the very least, the teachings you would find in such a faith are most likely going to come from the mouths of people who aren’t churchfolk. If you’re religious, this does not mean you do hide your faith or offer people a different perspective; merely just know that the message has to survive in an environment that isn’t going to trigger an immediate immune response in the body politic. Being labeled a tradtard won’t mean much when they’re just as online, urban, and living a life similar to them when it comes to messaging.
Self-Reflection – Because most people can’t. Just as the morbidly obese have taken over body-positivity, Tumblr took over progressive culture, there is a mechanism in which blaming or pointing the finger at themselves is all but impossible. “Could it be my fault for why I’m depressed? Nothing like retail therapy or getting under someone to make that voice go away!” Being reflexive, or having your world view shaken to its core forces people either to be open to a new perspective, or to shut away and double down. Focus on those being open to new ideas. They still exist you know.
I am not a chaste man. I certainly wish I was though.
Lambda reflecting on the sheer fact that so much of our society in terms of relationships have been thrown upside down, and for the fact that he is a man abstaining until marriage however does give me hope for the future, even if it is just one person. I’m sure, like with anyone who speaks up on a particularly uneasy or uncomfortable subject, that he isn’t alone. I endorse his commitment to his faith, and hopes he finds the woman he deserves.
The pendulum of sorts is swinging back in a way wherein the damage of the last 30 years can be looked at in such a way that mistakes can be easily identified, and hopefully changed with a continued effort of messaging and conversation. Not everyone will want to “return” as the meme goes, nor would I expect it to overnight or anytime during my lifetime.
Doesn’t mean I can find what is going on, from various men and women alike, endearing. As with anyone speaking up, I’m sure there are quite a few of you reading this who can probably relate, so why not….